Dating in High School Should Be Fun—Not Scary

Break the Cycle, a nonprofit dedicated to empowering youths to end domestic violence, met Leigh when she needed help filing for a protection order against her abusive ex-boyfriend, who attended high school with her. For Leigh, a freshman, the abuse in her relationship started with jealousy and monitoring through social media. As it escalated, she began to withdraw from her friends. The harassment continued, and as Leigh began to skip school, her absences started affecting her grades. Leigh felt depressed and helpless. Her school environment no longer felt safe, and it had become impossible to continue her education without facing harassment and abuse. Prior to seeking legal support through Break the Cycle, Leigh’s supportive mom had called the school to set up meetings with teachers and the principal, but they did not respond.

Break the Cycle’s mission is to inspire and support young people to build healthy relationships and create a culture without abuse. The national nonprofit works with teen and young adult survivors of dating abuse, advocating for their safety, empowerment, and a school environment free from abuse. For many students, school can be a source of stability and growth, and that safe environment should not be threatened by dating abuse. However, many school policies do not value creating this environment for students and have not established an infrastructure to support students like Leigh.

One in three teens and young adults experiences some form of dating abuse. This abuse does not stop when the school bell starts the day. High schools can be places where survivors of abuse are particularly at risk. Close-knit peer groups and the small, controlled environment of high school can create an illusion of safety—adult supervision, schedules, and rules to follow—but those factors can also make it difficult for someone to avoid a perpetrator and create his or her own safety. Enforcing protection orders can be extremely challenging in a high school environment: A 20-foot restraining order is difficult to implement when the spheres of movement are hallways, classrooms, and school buses. Many secondary schools are not prepared to respond to dating abuse or to ensure the safety of survivors working hard to maintain normalcy and engagement in school.

Once Leigh was granted the protection order, Break the Cycle contacted her school to set up a meeting to help the teachers and administrators understand their responsibilities as a school. Together, they were able to create a plan ensuring the two students could continue to attend classes without crossing paths. While this solution was a challenge, it was achievable and reasonably implemented with the support of teachers and administrators. Leigh was interested in the school’s support in implementing a restraining order, but not all survivors will choose that path. Other clearly communicated accommodation options, such as changing a class schedule or a seating arrangement, are valuable parts of a strong school policy.

Young people who engage in abusive behaviors are likely to continue these behaviors as adults, so educating youths about healthy relationships is critical to creating safe and productive communities. Developing and implementing school policies and procedures that prioritize boundaries, respect, and communication is also vital to building safe school environments. Policies like these send a message to the entire school that abuse is never acceptable. High school students have a right to safe educational environments free of harassment and abuse. Break the Cycle is committed to promoting healthy relationships and supporting secondary schools to create these environments.