Dreams Come True When People Can Wear What They Want to Prom

This photo project shows that a tux and a ball gown aren’t the only options.

May 7, 2015·

Samantha Cowan is an associate editor for culture.

Prom season is in full swing, but for gender-nonconforming students, the event’s strict dress code can turn the quintessential high school experience into an anxiety-inducing affair.

“I’ve always regretted that I didn’t wear a dress to prom,” Jacob Tobia wrote in an email to TakePart on Wednesday.

Tobia is one of 12 young adults MTV News photographed for the series “This Is Our Prom: A Prom to De-Gender.” Most of the members of the group felt restricted to wearing an outfit that didn’t represent their true identity to their school formal; others chose to skip the event and stay home.

“We firmly believe prom is for everyone,” the campaign site reads. The images “celebrate the fashion and true joy that’s possible when no one is excluded.”

With a little help from a glam squad and bright-colored backdrops, the group reclaimed the night, with each member sporting the outfit they wish they’d worn to prom years earlier.

Tobia wore a suit to prom but this time chose a blue gown with vintage earrings and a tiara.

“The chance to reimagine my prom experience in such a public and celebratory way was a dream come true,” Tobia wrote.

Heartwarming instances of LGBT prom inclusion have dominated feel-good media come springtime for the past few years. Transgender students have earned the coveted prom queen title and attended the event in outfits that match their gender identity, and a straight teenage boy orchestrated an uplifting prom-posal for his gay best friend last month.

Yet this kind of acceptance is not a given for LGBT students around the country. In April a Louisiana student was initially banned from wearing a tux to prom before the American Civil Liberties Union got involved; the school eventually allowed her to attend in the outfit of her choice. A transgender student faced the same battle in Mississippi, and she too needed a hand from the ACLU before the school allowed her to wear a dress to prom.

While schools often police the dress code, some students choose to stay home for fear their clothing choice will elicit bullying from their peers. As many as 75 percent of LGBT teens report verbal harassment, with 36 percent including physical attacks because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, according to the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network’s 2014 report.

Still others feel inner pressure to conform. “The reason I didn’t wear a gown to prom had less to do with bullying and more to do with internalized issues that I had. It took me a long, long time to learn to fully embrace my femininity and show it to the world,” Tobia wrote. Years later, Tobia and the rest of the crew encourage the students who are afraid and feel alienated to express themselves.

Tobia imagines a conversation with a younger, confused self going a little something like this: “Jacob, look, this gender stuff is confusing. I know you’re having a hard time with it right now, but you need to take your gender less seriously. Just have fun. Let yourself play with your gender expression and explore all of the possibilities. If you can just let go of the idea that you are a man, you’ll learn to love yourself so much faster.”